is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
