I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
