My liver just broke up with me...
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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