Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
