She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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