Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
