babies were throwing up all over the place
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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