It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
