you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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