so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
