Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We named our party play list daddy issues
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
