I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
