I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
