As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
