Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
