Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
