WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
