Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
