I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
