He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
