I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
