Jerry, you need to find god
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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