i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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