i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
