that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize