We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
