By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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