i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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