3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
