Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
it's like heaven, but drunker
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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