She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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