Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Randomize
