Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
