I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
