Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
