I am in a vortex of obligation.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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