my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
