I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
