Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
