The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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