it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
