Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
