i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
