I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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