Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
