I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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