In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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