you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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