Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
