Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
