i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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