it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
