i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
