you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
