Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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