seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
