i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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