last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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