its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
