Walk of Shame. In a state park.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
