I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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