First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
