I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
this must be what syphilis tastes like
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
