Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We are all done wearing pants today
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I supernannyed him into submission
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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