i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
This house was built for laser tag.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
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