The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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