it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
