tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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