If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
